Ouch!

This week, my first graders wrote a story about when they were hurt. We called them our "ouch" stories.
I started the week by reading "Boo Hoo Bird." It's a fun read, a book about a baseball playing bird that gets bonked on the head with a baseball and all his friends try to make him all better.
I had the kids do a turn and talk with their elbow partners and discuss a time they remembered getting hurt. After a few shared their stories, I sent the kids on their way to write. They wrote drafts and all proclaimed "I'm done," (all writing teachers die a little inside when they hear this.) So the next day, we had an additional mini lesson on adding details. I used as an example, one "I'm done" kid's story:
"I was in the park. I fell and hurt my arm. My mom gave me ice. I felt better."
Yup. That was the end.
I asked him what park he was in ... "the park by my house by the baseball field."
So we all chanted at him, "dude, that's important." (they love this kind of stuff)
What were you doing, was my next question.
"I was riding my bike."
Everybody now: "Dude, that's important."
How did you fall?
"I hit a rock and threw on the brakes and fell."
(ahem)
Did your mom come running to you?
"No. I was with my brother. He picked me up and carried me to my mom and she gave me some ice to put on my knee and I was all better."
"Duuuuuuuuuude..."
You get the idea.
So we discussed the importance of revising and editing and adding specific details. They weren't too excited about that until I pulled out a box of red pens, deemed them, "magic revising pens," showed them off like my name was Vanna White, had the kids say, "ooooooooooooooooh. Woooooooooow. Oh la la." And we were off.
Then the kids got to rewrite their stories, draw an accompanying picture and put a Bandaid on where their ouchie was. Here's the result.

This poor little fella got hit in the "wrong spot" in a game of laser tag. I hate it when that happens.